So I forgot everything I knew and had a Life and Teachings of Christ test, so I went home to find my mind. This is that tale.
In the Front Room of my house Fjord was Noodling with a Babel Fish! What is noodling you ask? It’s where you pretend to be a noodle by keeping your bottom half rigid and your top half all floppy! It’s silly!
I walked into the Hall Way and Fjord was there too... This time he was Speaking Spanish with a Pearl. It was very strange indeed. On the left wall there was a picture of my old friend (and my brother’s enemy?) Cyrus with Fjord Sailing a Viking ship. They arrive at their destination Fjord dons a white gown like those crazies in that one band and starts to preach about Dr. Bronner’s Soap. Rad! Next, still on the left wall, we have a picture of my buddy Darry, all blinged out. Fjord is telling him about an opportunity day and Darry, like everyone else on the planet, thinks that it is a silly name for a test. After that Darry puts in an 8-track tape where Jimmy Hendrix starts singing about Slug Brains! Far Out! On the Right Wall there is a mural that’s all transformy. It starts off with XEXYZ, the first platformer I ever played. Good game. It transforms into XEXYZ 2: AFTERXEXYZ. Admittedly this was never a real game. It then transforms into a picture of Darry’s Son: Darry II. That transforms into AFTERXEXYZ: II; which finally transforms into the ultimate: AFTERXEXYZ: III.
I am totally blown away by my hall way. I remember the time when I had to wash the wall because my little brother wrote on it with permanent marker but I got over it and he got in trouble because of our stupid baby sitter. Some is in big trouble this time!!! So then I go to Tara’s room. Rock is in there this time, he is talking about NorCal with a bowl of (disgusting) grease. It was gross. And the grease thought that NorCal was silly and a poser name for Northern California.
I leave and go back into the hallway, and Rock is out there now, but this time he smells TERRIBLE. All the pictures that were in the room are gone, and there is instead a picture of Ptolemy, the Egyptian ruler guy. He is looking at Rock... I decide to get out of there before there is some serious mummy action.
I go into Walt’s room, and for some reason, the Quaker Oats Guy is in there! He is talking to some totally hot chicks (Sirens to be more accurate, so you know, keep a distance) and he is saying, “I am 95% sure that we can abandon the null hypothesis and--” I leave the room because it is just TOO bizarre.
When I get into the hallway I see the Quaker Oats Guy out there, but this time he is silent. Why is he silent is a reasonable question. Well there is a pretty good answer. HE WAS WATCHING STARGATE!!! With some really really old Jews I might add. One of the Jews is holding a huge hammer I might add. The other one has the hammer merit badge.
I then go into the next section of the hallway and the QOG is there again! This time he is putting a Babel Fish into his ear and showing some Has-been’s (who are moaning) how to do it.
So then I go into my Mom’s room, skipping Thomas’ room because my mind won’t be there for sure. Ozzy Osbourne was in there. He was watching that Movie SLC Punk with some gladiator dude. I sit down to watch and Ozzy (what a jerk) changes the channel. I start to pay more attention to the TV and the TV has a video of someone selling my house!! They are doing one of those walkthrough things... I watch intently:
The salesperson is talking to a guy named Harry Harrison. I already don’t trust the guy.
They are surprised when they walk into the front room and see Harry Harrison’s son, Harry there. He is with my Aunt Annie and Jimi Hendrix Music is playing in the background. Nothing strange at all here!
They continue the tour and go into the infamous hallway. The hallways has transformed into some Arches Laying on the ground. Jimi Hendix Music is playing there and Dr. Anderson is writing on what is left of one of the walls (What’s the deal with writing on those walls anyway?)
They go to Tara’s room and there is antipasta ALL OVER THE FLOOR. Jimi Hendrix is acting like a thug (like always) but this time he is Speaking Spanish... What the heck? Black Santana? With Spaghetti?
When they go back to the hallway it looks fine, but this time my Step Dad Phil is in there and he is actually discussing music with Hendrix. He is showing Jimi a CD.
Then they go into the next part of the Hallway, Harry is freaking out. His grandson, Harry (who is gripping a nailgun) is watching Kevin Tucker shoot a man in a rabbit suite in the face.
They stumble into Thomas’ room, just in time to avoid the gunshot, and see Harry II (who is also gripping a nailgun) watching TV where Ozzy Osbourne is shouting at ME!!!! It is so bizarre that Ozzy who is looking at me while we watch TV of people in my house watching TV of people watching them, Shouts at me! Then they change the channel and see the Quaker Oats guy bite the head off of a bat. They immediately leave the house because it is just too weird.
I also think that this is strange, and, in search of my mind, go into my mom’s bathroom. I take the gladiator dude’s sword, just in case. In mom’s bathroom there are leaves falling from the trees and they are all different colors. In there there is a weird scene. Shiloh Hockman is flirting with Heath Nunnamacher. Weird!
So I go back into mom’s room, and it’s snowing in there! AD, from WI, is talking about CGI’s from movies. Obviously there is no mind in here!
So then I leave into the hallway. I see Gaea wearing boots. She is watching Kevin Tucker read in a park. She is like a spy, except she isn’t real.
I then go into Thomas’ bathroom, hoping that the shenanigans are over. In the bathroom I see Cloud, from FF7, and he is with DA who is speaking French with Cloud. I didn’t know Cloud knew french...
So I leave that and go back into the hallway. The hallway is on FIRE!!! What is the deal with my house?! Not only is it on fire, but Amy Davis is there, and she’s SUPER PREGNANT! What is going on?!
I go into the next part of the hallway and this girl I knew in middle school is there. Her name was Libby and she talked ALL THE TIME. Sheryl Huddleston is with her and they are eating some bacon together. The bacon looks delicious, but I don’t wanna be around Libby any more than I have to be.
I then turn the corner in my hallway and everything is at a right angle, like, orthogonal! Sweet! Sharp and blunt edges beware, we now have the perfect balance! J-Dot walked in with me and I show him the corner where Walt hit his head once and had to get stitches (I think) and tell him how he still has scars from it.
Then I go to the kitchen, still with J-Dot, and Lee is telling us about this Perl Jam album, Vitalogy. He obviously loves the album. Not surprising, it is by Perl Jam after all.
Then we go into the dining room. J-Dot sees his girlfriend a Vespa scooter and get’s so mad that he starts to Glean Grain. I don’t understand those two. I leave to go back to the kitchen.
In the kitchen I see that AO guy Titus trying to flirt with Sarah Kramer who is poking me, saying “Hey, hey, hey.” I ask Sarah why she is in my house with all these crazies and she tells me that she just wanted to say, Hi. She then leaves. Interesting.
I then see Harrison (Harry! What a wookie!) and he is saying that he won’t sell out to the Domination of the government. At this point I remember where my mind is, and all this nonsense that I saw evaporates... My mind was stored with Google!!!